Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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