So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
