I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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