I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was so not down for the gang bang
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
