I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
