Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am one with the molecules
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
