My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
