Too much gin, very little bucket
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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