I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Boobs are out for the taking
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
