oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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