they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
