So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
