I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
