I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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