the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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