I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
