Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
