I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
