she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
