Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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