i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize