Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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