True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's rum buckets o'clock
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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