The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
