he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, beer. Big fan.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
