well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
