That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need moral support for this bender
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
