I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
