I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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