good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
