Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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