saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
