let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
