YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
