where does the pee come out of this thing
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
