You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
