dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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