the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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