he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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