on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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