You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
