hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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