Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
