I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
