So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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