Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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