it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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