They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
