I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
