Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
