At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
