There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
