he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
