Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
