i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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