just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
no, he came in my armpit
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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