Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
