How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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