i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize