I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
