We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
