There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I want is dick and wine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize