wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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