I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
