That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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