Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize