You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
