me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
